Advisory--Real Vampires Wanted

Not even vampires are safe when the creeps decide to come out of the woodwork.

One Vampgeist client became our client after the following events. She received an e-mail. Some huge network or another was seeking “real vampires” to be featured in a series “showing the truth about modern vampirism”. Interested real vampires were told to show up at a local television studio at a given time for an audition.

Well, our client squealed in enthusiasm. Imagine! National television! I suppose we can all understand how this might be heady stuff, heady enough to not wonder how the e-mail address had been attained or the solid logistics of the production. She put on her vampire best as requested and went off to audition.

The “studio” was a loft apartment, but this didn’t dissuade hundreds of “real vampires” from going after their moment. A line of potential talent lined up down the hall, down the stairwell, and outside into the cold January morning. Our client waited patiently for her turn with the “producers”, and then finally was ushered into the loft with a swish of the assistant’s hand.

Our client remembers how she had to tell herself that she was new to the whole TV thing, that maybe this was how it was done. She didn’t have the time to reflect more because one of the three male “producers” started laughing at her. “You’re precious,” he said, coming towards her, scrutinizing her body. “Doll, we want real vampires.”

“But I am a real vampire,” she insisted.

Now the other two men joined the third. “Look at you. You’re too damn fat to be a real vampire.”

Her jaw dropped. She is a thin woman and always has been. “What the hell does that have to do with being a vampire?”

But they weren’t about to answer her. They showed her the exit, making certain she didn’t speak to anyone else waiting in line.

All of this transpired as the result of a plague of e-mail invitations to participate in television shows and other media outlets that has been infecting the mailboxes of members of the real vampire community. If there has been a legitimate project–something setting out to explain rather than exploit–it has been buried under invitations to make talk shows more interesting and teasers about possible reality series.

If there were one or two of these making the rounds, this advisory might not be necessary. But it has become something of an epidemic. What’s worse is that these invitations appeal to a certain sense of vanity that we probably all feel to some degree. Being on national television is appealing, but that’s not the likely end to a real vampire’s encounter. Exploitation, abuse, mockery of the real vampire to increase an audience–these are the ultimate products of these projects, when there is actually a project at all.

The answer to this problem is in all of our hands. We must protect ourselves and venture forward wisely. Vampgeist has compiled these rules for safe conduct among media teasers.

1) Go with your gut. If you get a bad feeling, delete the message.

2) Recruiters for legitimate media outlets may use a canvassing method to announce a project, but they will still remain professional in their e-mail. Check to see if there is clearly a name and other contact data, as well as the outlet they claim to be representing. Do a web search for further verification.

3) Check the spelling, grammar, and syntax of the message. This is not elitist so much as another check for professionalism.

4) Ask questions. A professional will be expecting it, and will also find the time to answer.

5) Do not give out too much information, especially personal information, on your first attempt at contact. They need to establish a kind of trust and reciprocity with you first.

6) Remember that THEY are seeking YOU out because your knowledge may be a valuable commodity.

7) No one is going to think any less of you if you just delete the message and move on with your activities. Televised appearances have nothing to do with being a real vampire.

At Vampgeist we have staff who are checking out potential media contacts and projects. We offer this service to anyone in the real vampire community free of charge. Our safety and our integrity as a community are too important to be compromised by people seeking to make us look a little less than sane.